Dreams

I have vivid dreams. I have two reoccurring dreams. I can fly. I just start running and then I soar through the air. What fun that is! I look forward to this dream.

Other times I dream I’m driving a car and all of a sudden I can’t see…it’s either raining really hard or the lights go out. I know I am about to crash. I am powerless to do anything about it.

Of course, I prefer the light hearted happy, flying dreams but life is not always easy breezy. We process what is happening in our lives with our dreams.

Last week I had a dream that felt really significant to me. I thought you might gain something from it so I’ve decided to share it.

It was one of those driving dreams. I was behind the wheel when all of a sudden it went pitch black. All I could make out was the outline of pine tree limbs all around me. I knew I was in deep trouble and I would crash. This is when I normally wake up but not this time.

The next moment I am standing in the kitchen of the house I grew up in. My entire family was sitting around the table as they did when I was a child. It felt warm and homey. I was standing next to a lady I didn’t know. She said, “Joyce, you were in a terrible accident. The only way we could identify you was by your watch.” I looked down at my watch. I looked at her. I felt fine. I told her that.

She said, “That’s right. You are fine except you have a new limitation to contend with. The long and short of it is after the accident the Doctors had to remove half your brain.” Now, that didn’t sit well with me! I started feeling anxiety. I said, “But here I am talking to you.”

She said my brain would operate normally when focused on today. I would no longer be able to recall the past. Of course, as soon as she said it I started trying to remember the past. I could literally feel the neurons in my brain reaching for the information but there was nothing there-just empty space where my brain used to be. It was as if I was reaching for a file but couldn’t quite remember what I was trying to access. It was frustrating!

I started panicking and feeling very scared. My heart was beating really fast. My world was confusing now. Who was I? I couldn’t recall. All of a sudden a white dove flew past me into the kitchen wall. It was flailing about wasting its energy trying desperately to get out of the room. I watched it. I realized the bird’s efforts and my own were fruitless. Once I stopped trying to fight my circumstances I felt calm again.

I realized I needed to accept that my new “normal” would be living in the moment. I went from despair to peace. Although I had lost the baseline of who I had been and where the past had led me, I knew I was breathing and capable in this day. There were a lot of people in the room supporting me in accepting my accident and situation. They clearly cared about me. Obviously I couldn’t be that bad! That was enough. I decided I was going to be ok. My past did not equal my future. Besides being truly present in the moment felt significant and deep-it was like I was really feeling and experiencing things for the first time.

I told my husband this dream. He chuckled. He joked he wished certain memories really could be erased from my mind! Who can’t relate to that? We all have things we should let go of or wish others would let go of but instead many of us harbor and nurture these memories as a justification for our current behaviors and actions. The “somebody done me wrong” song!

My dream for you is that whatever pain you’ve experienced in the past be released and replaced with the peace of what today can offer. You don’t need to worry about tomorrow because a string of great today’s will result in a fantastic future! It is a universal law. After all, we are where we are today as a result of the choices we made in our yesterday’s.

Be your best self today!

Your Friend,

Joyce